Authentic leadership presence is not about performing confidence – it’s about stepping into who you really are, even when that feels uncomfortable.
Have you ever been in a room where you felt too loud, too direct, too much? Where you sensed that people wanted you smaller, quieter, less visible?
I have. For decades.
I’ve been the only woman in the room, the only neurospicy person at the table, and the only one who said the thing nobody wanted to hear. For years, I thought that was the problem.
Turns out, it’s the job.
But here’s what I didn’t see: I wasn’t just dealing with other people’s discomfort. I was creating my own. I’d shrunk myself so much thinking they didn’t want to hear me that I stopped trusting what I actually had to say.
This week I’m heading to Sydney for a speaker workshop – surrounded by accomplished speakers, corporate trainers, actors, people from completely different backgrounds and journeys with Leanne Christie from Standing Ovations. Our graduation. And I’m going out full throttle and torque with one clear intention: to stop apologising for the size of who I am.
Because that’s where the real work happens.
Main Insights of the Week
Power and presence happen when you stop shrinking yourself
Here are three shifts that have become non-negotiable. Not because of AI. Because of what visibility actually costs – and what it creates.
1. You’re not too much. You’re holding yourself back.
When I was writing my book, Full Throttle & Torque, I realised something that stopped me cold. I’d spent decades thinking other people didn’t want to hear from me. Too loud. Too direct. Too neurospicy. Too visible.
But the truth was darker and simpler: I was the one who decided they didn’t want to hear from me. I made that decision before they ever got the chance.
That’s not them rejecting me. That’s me rejecting myself on their behalf.
The cost of that? Every conversation I didn’t have. Every insight I kept quiet. Every time I made myself smaller so someone else could stay comfortable.
Key takeaway: The gap between who you are and who you perform as is the most expensive real estate in your organisation. And you’re the one paying the rent.
2. Visibility is daring. And yes, it’s uncomfortable.
I’ve spent the last decade coaching and mentioning women and other underrepresented people on visibility. Not visibility as a tactic or a personal brand move. Visibility as showing up as who you actually are, without shrinking, without hedging, without apologising.
It’s the hardest thing to do.
Because the moment you step into who you are – fully, unapologetically, visible – you become accountable to that. You can’t take it back. You can’t hide behind “I was just being polite” or “I didn’t want to make waves.”
And that’s terrifying.
But it’s also where the signal gets clear. Where your actual voice becomes audible. Where organisations can finally see what they’ve been missing.
Key takeaway: The people worth keeping in your life are the ones who don’t ask you to be smaller. They ask you to be clearer.
3. The permission you’re waiting for? You already have it.
I’ve been telling myself to be smaller than I am my whole life. Not because I thought I was small. But because I felt that other people felt that way about me. And so I shrunk.
But here’s what I know now: no one was asking me to be small. I was doing it to them. And the moment I stopped – the moment I stepped into my actual size and power – everything shifted.
Not everyone was comfortable with that shift. But the right people were. And the conversations that matter started happening.
Key takeaway: When people stop contributing, organisations lose signal. AI amplifies whatever signal is left. The real work isn’t technology. It’s creating safety for people to show up as who they are.
What’s been happening section:
Over the past couple of weeks, I have been chipping away the thick layer of protection that has seen me hold back, pull back and not step forward, not reach out, not follow up. I had a realisation a couple of weeks ago that I listen to everyone else and disregard my own intuition in my eagerness to please.
This week I’m in Sydney at an all-day speaker workshop. It’s a room full of people who’ve been refining their craft for years – from different industries, different backgrounds, different stages of their journey.
And I’m watching something I’ve always known but never quite articulated: the speakers who land, who move people, who change thinking – they’re not the ones with the most polished slides or the cleverest turns of phrase.
They’re the ones who’ve figured out how to be fully present. How to trust their voice. How to say the quiet thing out loud and let it sit.
That’s what visibility actually is. Not performance. Presence.
Who I am is becoming very clear… Bold, generous, empathetic AND loud!
Who are you beneath your armours?
Cultural reflection:
There is something I have been noticing in the organisations and people I work with: when people shrink themselves, organisations lose signal.
You lose the woman who sees the pattern you’re missing. You lose the neurospicy person who spots the risk nobody else has named. You lose the person brave enough to say what everyone’s thinking but nobody’s articulating.
And then you bring in AI to “solve” your problems. But AI just amplifies whatever signal is left.
So the real question isn’t “how do we implement AI?” It’s “why are we losing the people who see what needs to change?”
The answer? Because we’ve made visibility unsafe. We’ve rewarded conformity over courage. We’ve taught people that stepping into their power is something to apologise for.
On my radar:
- Full Throttle & Torque – for anyone who’s been telling themselves to be small. It’s the whole roadmap of how I got here.
- The speaker workshop this week – because watching people discover their productive voice never gets old.
- AWS Summit Sydney (May 13–14) – exploring how agentic AI reveals what organisations are really made of
- Vitalify Unplugged podcast – conversations about vitality, visibility, and showing up
- Every conversation I have where someone says “I didn’t think I was allowed to say that.” Because that’s where the real work begins.
Final thought:
You don’t have to shrink yourself for the world to make sense.
The world just has to get used to seeing you.
Gentle Invitation
If you’re ready to step into who you actually are or know someone else who is – in your leadership, your visibility, your voice – let’s talk.
And if you want the full roadmap and a travel companion, Full Throttle & Torque is waiting: https://fullthrottleandtorque.com
Originally published on LinkedIn on 7th May 2026.
Republished as part of Gry Stene’s newsletter archive: https://grystene.rocks/navigating-transformation/